Bill Holmes - Activities - Women - History

I had no ready answers to questions from an Internet date possibility regarding my love life, so I invested the effort to recall it all from the beginning. Here is my comedic, sordid and tortured history with the opposite sex, which resulted in lots of regrets for missing an opportunity for a good relationship. In one way or another, I still love them all.

Glendale - 1953

On the way home from first grade I fought my best friend over the girl with the curly blond hair. While we lay in the dirt, she walk away with a third boy.

West Covina - 1954

During third grade I was smitten by Linda Franklin and Sheri ?. I managed to embarrass myself by using a movie projector take-up reel that was too small: film all over the floor.

Lancaster - 1959

At El Dorado Elementary School I was more interested in hunting than girls, but enjoyed popping bra straps and pulling pigtails.

Joshua Junior High School - 1961-1962

I was a four square and tether ball jock. My underling team challenged the official basket team during recess. I slobbered on the necks of two girls at a dance until they found out :-). A young female teacher to whom all the girls confided asked me if I knew how many hearts I was breaking. I didn't. I noticed none of the advances. Susan Weil and I were voted "Brains" in 7th grade and "Most Likely to Succeed" in 8th grade.

Susan Weil and Bill Holmes	Betty Mauldin	Joanna Sublette	Susan Weil

I carried a long-time crush on Susan after I enjoyed a school folk dance her. Two hot upper class girls (Sandra and ?) in short-shorts entered my fort of refrigerator boxes in the garage, and sought something I knew nothing about. They left disappointed. That could have been my sexual awakening - Regret 1.

Dad (worried I was gay?) set me up with older girl at birthday party. Got trench-mouth.

A woman took me skiing at Mammoth many times with her daughter in hopes we would connect - Regret 2.

On fourth of July on our 20' Cal sailboat in Marina del Rey, the hot daughter of another family passionately hugged and kissed me in front of everyone while I steered the boat. Her parents didn't care. My parents refused to associate with the family again - Regret 3.

My family (Pat, Martha, Cindy, Melinda and I) were friends with another family (Al, Gene, Kathy and her two brothers). The two wives and children drove to Diego, where I enjoyed having Kathy Clary on my shoulders in pool fights. I terrified her when she saw my look of love. Some summers later I escorted her to a prom or some such even when she had a San broken leg.

Antelope Valley High School - 1963-1966

I was more interested in studies (honors student) and rockets than girls. I was elected the first Ski Club president in absentia, taught over 30 to ski and missed more opportunities. Overweight neighbor girl, Janice Jacobs kept stopping by and complained to my mother that I exhibited no interest in her. Kathy Bell decided to go steady with me. I did not know what that meant. I found notes in my locker (1, 2a, 2b, 3), but was clueless, and never took her out - Regret 4.

Kathy Bell	Ginger Englert	Peggy Babcock	Mary Stubblefield	Susan Weil

Necked with Ginger Englert at the drive-in, but was put-off by all the religious paraphernelia in her room - Regret 5. Unknown to me, Peggy Babcock wanted to make-out after a football game, but I thought it was more fun annoying another couple trying to neck - Regret 6. The closest I got to fornication in high school was dry-humping Mary Stubbelfield twice at Gary's house. She brought her much younger boyfriend to a reunion and made it it clear that she really liked sex - Regret 7. Susan cultivated her "Southern Bell"image to manipulate men. I was an easy mark judging by this letter. I suppose had I played hard to get, I would have made past third base - Regret 8.

Inglewood - 1966-1967

I wasted all of my savings on one year at a private college, Northrup Institute of Technology per the recommendation of my wannabe engineer female counselor who liked the catalog. It had all of 3 girls to 1,000 guys. Only one was not married and you can imagine what she looked like in saddle shoes. Girls from an all-girls school were invited to a dance at the dorm, but they fled after all the advances by the students, particularly the foreign students. Stewardess walked through ground level of the 6-story building with an open interior seeking donations for a charity, but fled due to all the cat-calls from the railings. Los Angeles was so bad I had to drive to Lancaster every weekend, and climb a mountain.

Canoga Park -1967

I spent the summer working at Rocketdyne while living with my grandmother in Glendale. No women.

Lancaster - 1967

Got a co-op job with NASA, Edwards for six months while living with my parents in Lancaster to save enough for some of the remainder of college. A friend of my mother asked me to take her daughter to her prom. I complied.

San Luis Obispo - 1968

California State Polytechnic University was primarily an agricultural school where there were five males to every female. That was an improvement, but the females were all from conservative homes, so the sheep ran scared.

I roomed with a neighbor/friend since 1959, Bryan Ulch in a three-bedroom apartment in a co-ed dining situation. There were two guys to every room except one, the midget's. I was 19. I asked an experienced agriculture who kept eying me to the movies at the one indoor movie theater in town. She said she liked the way I looked in jeans, and suggested sex. I paid the midget for the use of his room. I felt it my duty to tell her I was a virgin and did not love her yet (as if I knew what that meant). She wanted to continue, but cried when we finished. It was a bad first experience (1). Though from an impoverished agricultural lifestyle, she would have been good for me - Regret 9.

Susan Weil drove from Santa Barbara to sleep with me, but without fornicating yet again. Must of had a fight with Bob Axelrod, or it was a test to confirm that she was going to remain with Bob.

Bryan and I got an apartment, shared a room and got a roommate for the second bedroom. I went to school that summer to catch-up. I was lucky to get two dates with a Mormon girl and a kiss or two. During the fall quarter I dated a Filipino and her roommates dated mine, which included Tim Schwartz at the time. It was limited to heavy kissing in the living room.

Lancaster - 1968

I worked for NASA during the summer. I dated Kathy Clary (2), who was a popular Quartz Hill High School mascot, but as a college guy, I was her ticket out of Antelope Valley. I took her water skiing at Lake Havasu with my dad and step-mother. We watched the Neil Armstrong step foot on the moon from the marina bar. We were finally intimate in my bedroom and on a cot at Lake Meade on a subsequent water ski trip. Her problems with her stepfather led to an end to her relationship with me - Regret 10.

San Luis Obispo - 1969

Had three wet dreams. Consulted a counselor who concluded they were caused by my terror of getting a girl pregnant, having to get married and not graduating, so I avoided getting emotionally involved with a woman.

The friends of a blond pilot Aero student arranged for her to sleep with me on a school trip to San Francisco, but her halitosis was too much for me - Regret 11.

Lancaster - 1969

I worked for NASA during the summer and spent long lunches at work with Debra Sweat, which led to rubbing knees and going out once to a highway overlooking the valley. There was heavy petting on the side of the car. Circa 1996 I found her working at the AV College. During lunch she insisted that we made love in 1969. She has to have her history wrong.

San Luis Obispo - 1970

Three high school girls flaunted themselves at the apartment. I dated the adoptee, Becky Hilton (Ferguson) who took a liking to me. After six days of trying, I became her first (3).

Becky Hilton	Karen Henry

I flirted with Karen Henry at a soccer banquet. Her vision was poor, and she flirted back thinking I was someone else. I asked her date where I could find her. She manned the exterior booth at the indoor theater. I was smitten. She'd squeeze her legs together and orgasm while we held hands through the window when no one was seeking tickets. We had an amazing time before and after an artichoke picnic at Montana De Oro where wave roll into a narrow canyon. I was her first (4). She was my "one true love." We only intimate one or two more times before I had to leave for my last summer at NASA.

Lancaster - 1970

Worked the summer at NASA. Karen assumed I was some great lover, and was doing all the girlfriends I never had in Lancaster. She had a miscarriage. Her suspicion and my absence ruined the relationship. A water ski trip to Lake San Antonio did not help. She was not impressed with my dad, step-mother, or cousin, Pam and her boyfriend.

San Luis Obispo - 1971

I periodically tried to resume the relationship with Karen. I made a bean bag chair, put it in a box at her front door, and rang the door bell before sealing myself into the box. She thoroughly enjoyed the surprise, but it did not last. I got North American Aviation to delay my hire date three months, so I could stay the summer in San Luis Obispo in the hope of rekindling the relationship with Karen while working on a National Science Foundation grant. I failed - Regret 12.

Los Angeles coast -1971-1978

I got an apartment in Hermosa Beach within commuting distance of work at North American Rockwell at LAX. A friendly date with sister of neighbor friend in Lancaster, Sheri Clements (5) who talked of all the places she and her boss fornicated at Airborne, strangely resulted in sex. Never saw her again until her mother's funeral many years later.

I stayed at the cabin of Mammoth Mountain ski patrolman, Ray Carson while skiing. Kayla Pressman, a friend and her sister stayed there as well. Kayla and I slept together, but because I had not paid enough attention to her during the day, there was no sex. Her blond friend entered Ray's bedroom and did him. Their mother accompanied her daughters on another trip. The hot but ugly younger sister of friend dragged me out for a quickie. I later connected with Kayla in Sherman Oaks for sex (6) that left her shaking good I thought, but I did not immediately call, and when I did call, she disappeared - Regret 13.

I moved into a less expensive apartment closer to work at LAX while building a 33' Yorktown Yacht in San Pedro. Rosemary (7) from work came over for weekly sex on my bean bag chair. An apartment neighbor invited me for a massage. We had sex on her massage table (8). I declined further massages.

I finished the boat, sailed it to King Harbor, Redondo Beach, and moved aboard. I worked late nights and weekends to finish it, so I dated little. I pined for Karen. I took a stewardess out, but she would only ate steak and potatoes, and would experiment with nothing, so that was our only date. How I met a painfully tight woman who insisted on sex anyway I don't remember (9).

On a Mammoth ski trip with my dad and step-mother in their camper, I was asked to attend a party by a girl on a ski lift, but never found it, so I bar-hopped with three girls I met at the alleged location of the alleged party. It was too late to hitchhike back to the camper, so Sheri took me home, and told me to do her. I refused, slept and made love to her in the morning (10). She was hanging around for an imaginary relationship with a ski instructor. She had to perform oral sex on her manager when she missed her rent. Her daughter looked malnourished. After I returned to my boat in King Harbor, I wrote her concerning the situation. To my surprise, weeks later I get a call at work from Sheri. She had dropped her daughter with her ex (Navy man), and was there to move-in with her puppy, which promptly had diarrhea all over my boat. She had mistaken my compassion for love. An illustrator at work I befriended had a house with a back yard, so I arranged for her to move in with him. She wanted to see me, so I agreed if she'd avoid all the makeup she usually wears. Years of smoking and booze had done its job, so I could not bring myself to continue seeing her. The illustrator called one night concerned about her drinking. I arrived to console her. She wanted sex. I complied. She slept. I continued to avoid her. She and he married, and lived kinda happily ever after when he was not doing recreational heroin. I should have given her a chance - Regret 14.

I studied Spanish at a JC in preparation for a major sail south. A fellow student who was from Sweden came on to me. I did her in her car, then in my boat (11), where I learned she was married to a black heroin addict, which is why she was not getting sex. She called me at work months later to ask if she were a bad lay after her new boyfriend said so. She was.

I dated my bank teller, Debbie Heaston. I was her first (12). She threatened suicide if I dated anyone else.

Debbie Heaston --> Holmes - Married 14 August 1977 - Divorced 29 March 1991

Karen called distraught over catching her bartender boyfriend in their bed with another woman. She asked me to fly to San Luis Obispo and drive her to my boat in her Karman Ghia. I do. We reconnect on the drive and make love on the boat. She asked me to leave afterward. I do not hear her crying - Regret 15. Prior to Karen's call, I had arranged a sail with Debbie. Debbie sails with me while Karen sails with a friend. He provides MJ. She likely does him. He falls in love. Karen leaves another broken heart in her wake, marries an alcoholic from a conservative family, and has two girls and one boy by him. Suffers abuse throughout divorce until he dies of cirrhosis of the liver, and leaves her with an alcoholic gang leader eldest daughter.

San Diego - 1978

I gave up on Karen and marred Debbie. I sold the boat, bought a car and a house in San Diego. Thirteen years later Debbie decides she is going to take the advice of the most beautiful woman at General Dynamics to convert me into a lapdog husband like that of the beautiful woman. She intentionally makes my life miserable. She refuses to do anything despite my endless suggestions. I bike with subordinate General Dynamics employee, Deb Schaefer, who is in love with uncooperative boyfriend, Tom. We sell the Victorian house, and divorce. She dates her boss, and they marry.

At the 1986 High School reunion, Linda Brasseal privately said she always had a crush on me. I wish women would say what they feel or I had ESP, Regret 16

I invite Deb Schaefer on a bike trip in Europe following my business trip there. We sleep together nearly every night, but have no sex while she's pining for Tom.

I met with Erleen Pruitt from AV High (1966 photo), and we kiss for the first time; hard lips.

I manage to connect with Karen by phone. I arrange a business trip to stop in San Luis Obispo to lunch with Karen at the airport, and stop in Beaverton, Oregon to hike with Deb. Karen is evasive, but gives me a passionate hug and kiss upon departing. I'm flabbergasted, and excitedly tell Deb as she disrobes to reveal a red bra and panties. That was to be the night, but I blew it - Regret 17.

My neighbor, Mary Szterpakiewicz (14) parades around in tight shorts and top until I notice. I eventually move in with her and her mother without dating anyone else. She used to be a masseuse in Aspen, and arranges ski trips there and elsewhere. I arrange to satisfy her fantasy of petting a Tiger as a surprise birthday gift. Great personality, but I could not help visualizing her as her mother.

Mary Szterpakiewicz

I head north after road trip with Jim Lorenz after the death of his wife. Drop Jim in Utah and tour Nevada. I call Deb Schaefer as I enter Idaho. She has a male friend visiting, but begs me to visit. I examine a map, and realize it would take three days to drive there, sleep and return to Mary who is growing anxious, so I decline - Regret 18.

Palmdale - 1996

I learned that Karen had divorced, and fearing a common law marriage with Mary, I move to Palmdale to help my sister complete her mini-ranch, and be within range of Karen. I met Karen at her Real Estate office and we left for lunch, where she tells me her marriage horror story, and says she may no longer be able to be with a man. She has a very close girlfriend who is the only person to die in the Paso Robles earthquake. Karen continues to have major problems with her eldest daughter.

On return trip from MacWorld, beautiful and popular Val Pierce from AV High (1966 photo) arranged to meet with me in San Jose. I was sick with a cold and she was too religious and overweight. I drove down the coast to see Karen again, but was so sick I declined her offer to massage my back in the back of the van. Instead we made-out in the front seat, Regret 19.

I give up on Karen again, and meet Thea Tailor (15) at the Lancaster gym. I finally learned about the sexual potential of women from a bisexual with a shelf of books on how to maximize orgasm. She calls when she has difficulty orgasming. We date for two years, and take her three boys along on excursions. One burns-down a trailer. Another has emotional problems. My sister hates her. She disengages when I don't ask her to marry me, but parades herself and her boyfriend at Libertarian Party meetings. Months later she calls me to protect her from my replacement. More sex, but they make-up. She loved to hike and be intimate, Regret 20.

Thea Taylor

I meet Lisa Reeve at the Palmdale gym. I satisfy some of her fantasies: hiking in the nude, sex on a warm boulder in the sun, masturbation in a restaurant. I don't like her people-hate-me attitude, cats, smoking, knock knees and huge butt, but the final straw was suggesting that she would lick my anus.

Carlsbad - 2000-2004

Omnigon reactivates. I asked a Trader Joe's cashier to dinner at my apartment, and lean she is a Mormon and a San Diego police lieutenant who still blames herself for the rearrangement of her face by a police captain.

Omnigon decides to move to the island of Madeira, Portugal with few women, and they are all ugly. I marry "the girl from Ipanema," Brazil (born 1959), who speaks Portuguese and wants children 26 January 2001 (16). 

Omnigon fails in 2002. I manage to complete the back yard landscaping of our condo in time to sell it a no loss before we lost it. We rented a less desirable condo.

Oregon - 2005-2008

Wife 2's previous three husbands lasted a total of three years. At least I lasted nearly nine. The divorce was final December 1, 2009. Regret 21.

Lancaster - 2009-2010

Past lover - She still had a crush on me for being so patient with her six-day deflowering. We were not aware that she had two vaginas and uteruses. She tells me the horror story of her childhood. She is so determined to maintain her horse-woman persona that she smokes, acts country, and supports a horse and dog she cannot afford. She is easily flustered and confused, usually three or more hours late for a date, and once gave-up after driving lost for hours.

Opera Singer - Found me on chemistry.com, and was my first Internet date. I drove over eight hours to her custom house modeled on a water tower at the end of a gravel road deep in the woods. I imagined men with chainsaws. It was nearly dark when I arrived, yet she walked from the house through the gate to great me at the road. She liked what she saw, gave me a great hug, and we kissed. She liked both and repeated both on a bench at an open fire she had prepared.

She acquainted me with her home, and escorted me to the office/guest room to deposit my things. We talked, cuddled and kissed by the fire she made outside for awhile, and then decided to retire. After taking me to the office/guest room, she suggested I sleep with her rather than make the couch into a bed. It was a great "welcome" (17).

She was very open, honest (except for lying about her age), authentic, and has a great personality, so I revisited her a year later, cleared fallen trees from and repaired her deer fence, and  cut plenty of wood to keep her warm during the winter.

Woman who doesn't exist - Internet date #2 talked in detail of roommates and their friends and Hollywood personalities and their housekeepers, but even direct questions could not elicit anything of her personality, loves or hates.

Artificial woman - Internet date #3 advertised herself as 55, and looks 55 thanks to extensive plastic surgery, but is 70. She thinks we are a match, but has no lust for me. She thinks spending time together may result in intimacy. She blames her sexual disinterest on allowing lust to lure her into a series of bad relationships.

Self-centered woman - Internet date #4 made any attempt to talk about people or women in general a conversation about her. Sleeps in a bed with two large dents that are difficult to crawl from and complains of being unable to sleep through the night, but it's not the bed. Married at least four times and could and did have any guy she wanted when younger, but constantly complains about past relationships. Complained about email confusion, but admitted to only reading sentences with question marks (18). On a Wednesday evening after a series of events, I suddenly realized I did not want to see her over the weekend as usual. I did not want to talk to her or even be in her house. The feeling was exactly like the one I still have for my first wife three decades later.

Cat woman - Internet date #4 commutes to Los Angeles weekdays and fills her weekends with volunteer work at the animal center and finding homes for cats and rabbits. No time for romance.

Walrus woman - Internet date #5 said she wanted to backpack, have lots of sex, be in love, and was 10 pounds overweight; more like 50, and that was after losing weight, resulting in fat slabs she covered with a large shirt during sex for hours one evening and morning. She warned me she was possessive, and proved it.

Natural beauty - I had given-up on experiencing love-at-first-sight until I noticed a shy woman in my Thursday, 7:00 PM yoga class. She has bright green eyes, full lips that turn down at the ends, and hide a brilliant smile that flashes like a beacon to me when I complement her natural beauty. Her poise indicates intelligence, a sense of pride and self-confidence in a well-proportioned, and apparently healthy body. Her strength does not hide her extreme femininity. These are the characteristics that so attracted me to Karen. Everything about her is endearing, but after three drink/dinner dates after yogo class, she decides to resume her relationship with a guy she has been seeing for 5 years. Regret 22.

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Total: 22 regrets (19)